talk to me about that spring I saw you kill your self over the man you were and trying to be… oh and how you layed up trying to find the lost pieces of you inside of me. and how you figured out the truth about ya family.. how you looked in the mirror and were lost, how you loved nobody and expected trust…my ovaries will not be a warm place of solitude when you need the light to guide you thru.. the proper change starts w you.
That date was too poppin.. We were laughin the entire time. He paid for everything .. I left some gas money in his car …We caught his mom on a date so bam meet mom dukes (she was beautiful) … Some of the black women that were in the restaurant were starrin at him and then cuttin their eyes at me -_- it was annoying .. One was even pressed enough to only ask him how the food was… He played it cool w the dryest response eva.. Not everyone ready for a interracial couple i guess
Imagine a love so sweet, and unshared with anyone else other
then the two people in “love” Im ashamed to say I dont know the meaning.
But I know its out there, my time will come. Im patient. I’ve felt HURT & PAIN before so atleast this time I know what to NOT look for. When im happy I talk too much. Atleast this time I wont be a “lil girl” in the backseat.. I’ll be a woman with an opinion. I wont have to linger on nudes pictures from his last relationships vagina. or cyberly stalking/ Contacting females habitually because just like how he said he bagged me with persistency he does the same to not be forgotten. The abuse. The best part is that when I do find this person, I will love him without the torment of my past relationship(s), mainly because I cant imagine putting someone I genuinly care about through that pain.. and also because I know whats its like walking into a jacket that doesnt belong to you.. the jacket gets tighter, the things in the pockets arent yours.. and trust me its felt. I’ll give this new “jacket” the RESPECT of being just mine without the stains of past “owners”. Thats what people do when they love each other, Atleast mature people. Someone I can do activities with, someone who will surprise me. Go out of there way to make me smile even with the most smallest things. Like calling me randomly and telling me how beautiful I am. Someone who cares enough to just listen and open their hearts enough to understand. Someone who doesnt hurt everyone they touch. I can see my self with child and extremely happy to share a “product” of “us” in this world with whom ever he will be, and growing with him. I yearn for the day I can most importantly be me. Even express some witt from the young girl in the attic and still be loved. And not have to put a facade because of the hurtful things he once said to control me/have power over me. No thats wicked. Where are the men that love their Mother in Laws so much, they try to take them out or atleast do activities with them? Where are the men that when they know there is a problem they want to resolve and speak on it, because they care enough to do so. The men that know what being hurt feels like, and loving someone so much they would never do those things. Where are the men that dont have to chased to speak on topics so important, they come to you.. even when its not their problem? Where are the men that change you for the better and not scar you? Where are the men that show genuine love that outsiders tell you, wow he loves you… instead of having them question if he beats you? Where are the men that will refrain them selves from having sex with women who arent worthy? (which is so sexy) Where are the men that are capable of such compassion, that even if we dont make it, I will still feel their love in an essence where I think of them as the person whom made me love like never before, opened my heart and eyes to such tenacity they are never forgotten, the array of their warmth gave me hope on my lowest days. Someone who will make my holidays memorable.. not spenf thanksgiving making memories with me while sending pics to a female behind my back..(I think about stupid I was for blaming myself for his actions, and rendering my pain for maybe if I was better.. that isnt love… Its war within and caused by someone who couldnt care less) People who love each other dont do that to one another. And even worst is the man that doesnt understand.. and vagabonds from woman to woman causing the same pain. Trust me I know, All of this sounds like characteristics of a monster. (and dont get me started with how eventually men become their fathers) Nonetheless Until I can find this man that I know is not unattainable I am patient, because working on my self is the most important part to this process. I will sacrafice alot for him, give my self to him. and most importantly Love him With all I have.